I think we can all agree that the most complicated part about dating is sex. Should you do it on the first date, the fifth date, wait a couple of months, or just skip the date altogether and just go straight to the bedroom?
Like most aspects of dating, there are no set rules here. It is all up to you, but it can all get so confusing and messy. Some people have their set rules and don’t sway from them, while others just go with their gut and get down to it when it feels right. Really, the key is knowing what you want before you go out there. Are you wanting a serious relationship or just something casual? I think figuring that part out helps you figure out when to start sleeping with someone new. Although there is nothing saying something casual can’t turn into something serious.
When it comes to dating and having sex, communication is really important. It can be really awkward, but have a conversation with the other person. There is no point trying to guess what they are wanting out it as well, you aren’t a mind reader! It is best to get it all out in the open early on and that way there are no expectations on either side that are never going to be met. You want to make sure you are both on the same page, especially when it comes to sex. If you know you can’t detach your emotions from sex, make sure you are with someone that wants something a bit more serious or you are going to be left hurt. It is also important to make sure you aren’t leading the other person on if you are just looking for a hook up and they are the ones wanting something serious.
It is also good to look at your past patterns. How do you feel after you have sex with a new partner? Do you feel happy and content or do you feel low and disappointed? It is important to look at your past as this could determine how future relationships will work. If you have a tendency to go in all guns blazing and have sex really fast for it all to fall apart pretty quickly, maybe it is best to switch up and spend a bit longer getting to know the person before getting intimate. Though, on the other hand, if you tend to wait longer to be intimate and there is never much passion there, trying having sex a bit sooner in your relationship. Having strict rules about how long you wait until sex might actually not be doing you any good.
There seems to be a lot of pressure these days to be sleeping with as many as people as possible as fast as possible, but this isn’t always healthy. Having lots of sex with lots of people can leave you feeling really disconnected and can lead to depression. If you feel like this is you, why not try slowing things down? Getting to know someone really well before getting intimate can actually lead to better sex. It becomes more about being with each other rather than quick pleasure before moving onto the next.
Above all else though, do what you feel is right. There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to consensual sex. Do it when you feel it is the right time, and most importantly when you feel safe and comfortable doing it. Don’t let anyone let you feel like have to do anything when you don’t want to.